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Menampilkan postingan dari 2022

Za

 Baru tadi siang aku bangga dengan diriku yang menemukan lagi kariza yang dulu, yang matanya adalah series film terbaru, yang telinganya hidup dengan buku partitur, yang tubuhnya kembali suka hidup sendiri. Aku berusaha memahami nya, apa pemicunya, apa yang membuat beberapa panggilanku kembali, beberapa kepribadian yang kuhindari ini kembali. Oh nama panggilan? Oh momen sama yang terulang meski oleh orang berbeda dan tempat berbeda? Oh telingaku akrab ya? Ini tulisan pukul setengah enam pagi, mataku lelah tapi hatiku sama sekali tidak, otakku tidak tidur, pikiranku berputar antara akun archilect, cerita traumatis quora atau pinterest board Aku berusaha memberitahu bahwa sekarang semuanya baik baik saja. Tidak ada momen yang sama, tidak pernah ada momen yang terulang, tidak pernah ada perasaan yang sama. ku sebut apa ya? Halo lagi gerry, ini kariza. Aku tidak hidup lagi, ini hanya kepribadian baru yang dibentuk oleh trauma yang semoga kapan kapan bisa hilang. Bisa berhenti kembali k...

V4

 if i can choose, the butterflies that long lasting from 3 years ago, or the confident feeling with someone, i hardly cant choose one. you feel safe around someone, but also you feel butterflies around someone else. Oh god, why? if someone is truly made for me, can you show me who is it? who is that someone ill gonna lay in bed all day, and talk about life? the one that gonna talk about happiness? not only listen to me, but also i can listen to him. who is he? who is that someone that i can imagine him from the best of him even in his worse haircut? even in his down low phase, in his eyes that truly said “im not okay, fuck” someone that truly cant resist himself to kiss me, to hug me and say “you look so beautiful in black” or someone that always told me “youre beautiful” every single time. which one? can you show me, one by one? the cure? the sign? even the forbidden one?

V3

 you all have normal bf? i dont. i have vi, he only contacting me when he need it, karna katanya cuma aku yang enak diajak cerita dan paling ngertiin dia, dia suka bawa ke tempat2 enak, atas gunung, atas gedung, yg dingin kita sukaaa! dia suka kasi jaket kalau aku pke baju pendek, support my music career, nyemangatin dan dengerin cerita psikiater things tp ga pernah memandang aku beda setelahnya. dia bilang, aku itu cewek yg semua cowo beruntung pasti dapetinnya, tapi sayang dia nya ga dapet :( dia suka baca buku! yg fiksi sampe yg self improvement, suka hal yg banyak adrenaline nya tapi lebih suka chill place sama aku. i do like him. see u in another universe vi!❤️

V2

 i never think i gonna write about you over again, after everything we goin through the pain the disaster the terriffied feelings the laugh the cigarettes we shared together. i see through the future, sometimes i run away to the keshi night or harris night, love, pain, lust. the adrenaline rush, all over our body in every first met, the first 5 minutes, oh that butterfly. its all about a certain blink of i love you, a long hug that says “where youve been?” a long stares that says “are you okay lately?” a long kisses that says “i miss you, all over the places” thank you for always being  my running track, my escape room my favorite forbidden place. i’d never say this, but, this thank you better than i love you in the middle of tiring may. this is june, 202x me from september 2020 always said “why you dont make a real move?” i always choose you either, through the dopamine heartbeat and forbidden morphine. take care my ring, see you again in sudirman street, between our laugh in...