Kariza's Blog

 it was seven? seven years ago? you was flying with your skateboard, laughing with your bestfriend. i said, i wanna talk to you, just little know you. Suddenly, we become bestfriend, with that favorite glasses i liked. It was five? five years ago? Cilpacastra? one event that make us become one, one best friend that talked about event. Just that. It was one? one year ago? It was rainy september in jakarta, you said you wanna come, talk to me, chit chat in scbd or just chillin in lucy? It was three? three months ago? You said, that i was that beautiful girl that you afraid to taking step, you afraid, so you just wanna be my bestfriend oh vi, ill always be It was one? one hour ago? Bandung is magical isnt it? We talked about everything, Cigarettes in our hand, you talk about college, i talk about works, coffee in our table, with your favorite car we listen to 1975, or keshi, or brakence we see the citylights, you screamin, i smiled. oh shit, i fallin in love with my bestfriend. You sa...

 Katanya mengikhlaskan kebahagiaan seseorang adalah titik tertinggi dari rasa sayang ya? Untuk keluarga, sahabat bahkan hal klise, cinta. Ada beberapa penyesalan yang datang di bulan maret ini, karena keajaiban jatuh cinta waktu itu tidak ku abadikan baik-baik seperti seharunya. Dengan iming-iming jangan diromantisasi, mengurangi dan meminimalisasi rasa cinta yang salah waktu itu, dan takut jatuh dan paham bahwa dia orang yang salah. Tapi nyatanya, aku selalu jatuh cinta dengan tawa pukul dua malam, lagu cinta, puisi romantis, tempat tinggi dan dingin, dan wajah menawan yang selalu ingin dipandangi setiap hari. Sayang, masa-masa yang harusnya kuabadikan lewat tulisan itu, kuanggap sebagai sesuatu yang tabu dan salah pada saat itu. Sakit hati, patah, jatuh, terlempar bahkan sudah lewat. Yang kemarin akhirnya jadi cerita lucu yang mungkin beberapa tahun lagi bisa ku tertawai paling keras. Selalu kuncinya adalah ikhlas. Melihat bahagia yang datang lalu selalu dibagikan ke orang lain y...

 There is always a words,  "When you try your best, and you dont succeed" I gave everything to everyone there, the strangers, a friend with big ambitions, a girl with big love, and a best friend. "When you get what you want, but not you need" It was something I ever dreams of, i got all my dreams life. Oh a coffee shop outside your window, litlle rain behind the glasses, a cute boy-friend that always laughing all night long, a barista that always listen to all your stories, a cute girl that always screamin your name, a friends everyday, and a very funny and beautiful best friend that living-next-door. Oh I was living in a movies. But, i forgot that something that so beautiful is always hurt, disaster, and pain. They all lied. This is not what i need. "Stuck in reverse" I dont know somehow that pain growin like a baby inside my head. At first it just a baby, and I know it will be growin bigger and bigger. More hurt, more, more and more. "Lights will gu...

healing is a weird things. Its a cigarettes at 1 am while your new boyfriend is sleeping on your room. Its a boring novel that you read when its too hard to sleep. Its a new friend, again and again just to make sure that yourself is not alone. Its a flight just for catching up with your favorite bestfriend just to make sure that you have someone to lean on. Its a night ride just to go back to your family, that you still have a little brother to make sure that you still missed by someone. Its a fake smile, just to make sure that ill fake it until i make it. Ill make it someday, i know it. One day, i know it never gonna hurt anymore, just a new laugh, new drama, new stories, new memories.

 Aku ingin mengenang masa ini sekali lagi, mengingat setiap rinci kejadiannya, mencoba memaknai apa yang terjadi kemarin. Aku tahu juga, tulisan ini hanya punya satu pembaca setia, sisa nya mungkin hanya iseng mencari nama lengkapku di google, kebetulan ingat, atau hal-hal yang bukan disengaja. Seperti tulisanku tahun 2018.  Ini adalah hari terburuk Kariza Rai Shafira sepanjang hidup. Botol kaca bertebaran di kamar, lenganku berdarah setelah sekian lama tidak, aku melihat orang yang kucintai bahagia bersama sahabatku, atau sahabatku yang lain, puntung rokok bertebaran, aku terlempar. Astaga. Ini siapa? Pagi itu aku terbangun penuh peluh, bibir kering, tangan kiri diperban dan handphone di tangan kanan ku. Tuhan? Sejauh itu kah aku? Tiga malam sebelumnya, aku menangis sendirian pukul dua pagi dan pergi ke stasiun kereta api. Untuk apa? Tidak ada. Aku hanya suka stasiun, bunyi kereta api, orang lalu lalang, kalangannya pun bukan yang menengah ke atas, juga wangi toko roti. Aduh ...