Kariza's Blog

 if i can choose, the butterflies that long lasting from 3 years ago, or the confident feeling with someone, i hardly cant choose one. you feel safe around someone, but also you feel butterflies around someone else. Oh god, why? if someone is truly made for me, can you show me who is it? who is that someone ill gonna lay in bed all day, and talk about life? the one that gonna talk about happiness? not only listen to me, but also i can listen to him. who is he? who is that someone that i can imagine him from the best of him even in his worse haircut? even in his down low phase, in his eyes that truly said “im not okay, fuck” someone that truly cant resist himself to kiss me, to hug me and say “you look so beautiful in black” or someone that always told me “youre beautiful” every single time. which one? can you show me, one by one? the cure? the sign? even the forbidden one?

 you all have normal bf? i dont. i have vi, he only contacting me when he need it, karna katanya cuma aku yang enak diajak cerita dan paling ngertiin dia, dia suka bawa ke tempat2 enak, atas gunung, atas gedung, yg dingin kita sukaaa! dia suka kasi jaket kalau aku pke baju pendek, support my music career, nyemangatin dan dengerin cerita psikiater things tp ga pernah memandang aku beda setelahnya. dia bilang, aku itu cewek yg semua cowo beruntung pasti dapetinnya, tapi sayang dia nya ga dapet :( dia suka baca buku! yg fiksi sampe yg self improvement, suka hal yg banyak adrenaline nya tapi lebih suka chill place sama aku. i do like him. see u in another universe vi!❤️

 i never think i gonna write about you over again, after everything we goin through the pain the disaster the terriffied feelings the laugh the cigarettes we shared together. i see through the future, sometimes i run away to the keshi night or harris night, love, pain, lust. the adrenaline rush, all over our body in every first met, the first 5 minutes, oh that butterfly. its all about a certain blink of i love you, a long hug that says “where youve been?” a long stares that says “are you okay lately?” a long kisses that says “i miss you, all over the places” thank you for always being  my running track, my escape room my favorite forbidden place. i’d never say this, but, this thank you better than i love you in the middle of tiring may. this is june, 202x me from september 2020 always said “why you dont make a real move?” i always choose you either, through the dopamine heartbeat and forbidden morphine. take care my ring, see you again in sudirman street, between our laugh in...

 it was seven? seven years ago? you was flying with your skateboard, laughing with your bestfriend. i said, i wanna talk to you, just little know you. Suddenly, we become bestfriend, with that favorite glasses i liked. It was five? five years ago? Cilpacastra? one event that make us become one, one best friend that talked about event. Just that. It was one? one year ago? It was rainy september in jakarta, you said you wanna come, talk to me, chit chat in scbd or just chillin in lucy? It was three? three months ago? You said, that i was that beautiful girl that you afraid to taking step, you afraid, so you just wanna be my bestfriend oh vi, ill always be It was one? one hour ago? Bandung is magical isnt it? We talked about everything, Cigarettes in our hand, you talk about college, i talk about works, coffee in our table, with your favorite car we listen to 1975, or keshi, or brakence we see the citylights, you screamin, i smiled. oh shit, i fallin in love with my bestfriend. You sa...

 Katanya mengikhlaskan kebahagiaan seseorang adalah titik tertinggi dari rasa sayang ya? Untuk keluarga, sahabat bahkan hal klise, cinta. Ada beberapa penyesalan yang datang di bulan maret ini, karena keajaiban jatuh cinta waktu itu tidak ku abadikan baik-baik seperti seharunya. Dengan iming-iming jangan diromantisasi, mengurangi dan meminimalisasi rasa cinta yang salah waktu itu, dan takut jatuh dan paham bahwa dia orang yang salah. Tapi nyatanya, aku selalu jatuh cinta dengan tawa pukul dua malam, lagu cinta, puisi romantis, tempat tinggi dan dingin, dan wajah menawan yang selalu ingin dipandangi setiap hari. Sayang, masa-masa yang harusnya kuabadikan lewat tulisan itu, kuanggap sebagai sesuatu yang tabu dan salah pada saat itu. Sakit hati, patah, jatuh, terlempar bahkan sudah lewat. Yang kemarin akhirnya jadi cerita lucu yang mungkin beberapa tahun lagi bisa ku tertawai paling keras. Selalu kuncinya adalah ikhlas. Melihat bahagia yang datang lalu selalu dibagikan ke orang lain y...

 There is always a words,  "When you try your best, and you dont succeed" I gave everything to everyone there, the strangers, a friend with big ambitions, a girl with big love, and a best friend. "When you get what you want, but not you need" It was something I ever dreams of, i got all my dreams life. Oh a coffee shop outside your window, litlle rain behind the glasses, a cute boy-friend that always laughing all night long, a barista that always listen to all your stories, a cute girl that always screamin your name, a friends everyday, and a very funny and beautiful best friend that living-next-door. Oh I was living in a movies. But, i forgot that something that so beautiful is always hurt, disaster, and pain. They all lied. This is not what i need. "Stuck in reverse" I dont know somehow that pain growin like a baby inside my head. At first it just a baby, and I know it will be growin bigger and bigger. More hurt, more, more and more. "Lights will gu...

healing is a weird things. Its a cigarettes at 1 am while your new boyfriend is sleeping on your room. Its a boring novel that you read when its too hard to sleep. Its a new friend, again and again just to make sure that yourself is not alone. Its a flight just for catching up with your favorite bestfriend just to make sure that you have someone to lean on. Its a night ride just to go back to your family, that you still have a little brother to make sure that you still missed by someone. Its a fake smile, just to make sure that ill fake it until i make it. Ill make it someday, i know it. One day, i know it never gonna hurt anymore, just a new laugh, new drama, new stories, new memories.